What is Choice Theory & Reality Therapy
Choice theory is based on the principle that we are all driven to act based on attempts to meet our 5 Basic Needs:
- Survival
- Love & Belonging (relationships/connectedness)
- Power (achievement, recognition, importance, leadership, autonomy, self-worth)
- Freedom (personal mobility, ability to make choices without punishment)
- Fun (play, exploration)
We always do our best to meet these needs, therefore a therapist who bases their treatment on Choice Theory Principles does not judge, criticize or shame a person’s best attempts to meet their needs. People come to therapy because they are emotionally and often physically hurting and do not need to be subjected to harmful behaviors that include the 7 Deadly Habits:
Seven Deadly Habits
- Criticizing
- Blaming
- Complaining
- Nagging
- Threatening
- Punishing
- Bribing or rewarding to control
Instead clients will be helped, through the use of the 7 Caring Habits, to examine their current thinking and acting and develop a plan to meet their Basic Needs in ways that do not cause harm to themselves or others.
Seven Caring Habits
- Supporting
- Encouraging
- Listening
- Accepting
- Trusting
- Respecting
- Negotiating differences
Clients are also helped to eliminate the 7 Deadly Habits in their own lives to increase the quality of their personal relationships.
Using Reality Therapy techniques provides information that encourages clients to move from dysfunctional patterns of behaving to healthy, need fulfilling relationships both interpersonally and intrapersonally. There exists an old saying, “you can’t love someone until you love yourself”. Clients learn to identify their strengths and appreciate themselves for the effort they put into the process of change. Choice Theory states that people can only control their own behavior; therefore treatment focuses on helping them cease unproductive attempts to control others.
There are no secrets or magical techniques utilized by a Reality Therapist. Instead the focus will be on helping clients self-evaluate. Some examples may be through the use of such questions as:
- What do you want?
- in your relationship (spouse, partner, children, family, friends, etc.)
- for yourself
- in your career/education process
- financially
- intellectually
- from therapy
- How do you want things to be?
- What do you not want?
- What are you doing to get what you want?
- What are your thoughts when you do that behavior?
- Is this how you want to feel?
- Is it helping to look at things that way?
This type of discussion can be adapted to any age group or situation. With children it can be achieved through artwork or discussion. The purpose is to discover what clients really want and develop a plan to get there. If this sounds like what you want from therapy then a Certified Reality Therapist would be right for you.
